Out There

I’ve seen everything on board aircraft. I even remember the times in which half the passengers would gather in the back because there were no smoking seats for all, and the ones who didn’t get one would stand in the corridor getting a quick smoke.

I’m from the time when tvs would drop out of the roof – worrying us because we thought it was the oxygen masks – showing us the route the plane was flying, and which let us all knotted up because we’d keep the face tight and the neck rigid to check how long it would still take.

What I really didn’t expect was to hear instructions in Chinese on a TAP flight between Lisbon and Funchal.

Starting with how nice the cabin staff, one steward and three women, one of them Australian. This stated on the microphone. Dammit, where did the others come from? Viseu? Odemira? Why should I care that the girl came from Australia? Because this was all announced by the steward, when he introduced them all by name… a strategy used by EasyJet for years. No one seemed to care what my name was…

I wasn’t even seated yet when I started to hear Chinese. I even looked into the panel and the luggage bin to check whether it was mu single Chinese friend, but I decided this wasn’t where she was going to open a restaurant. After that I checked under my seat, but there was also nothing there.

I then thought it was for a tv show, but then I noticed that half the passengers were checking the overhead bins I realized it wasn’t another show. They were really speaking Chinese on a TAP flight. And suddenly, between being incredulous and wishing I had learned the language, I wondered whether I should quickly abandon the aircraft or if this was only the on board sales the airline has finally set up, a gimmick accompanying those low cost seats TAP has sworn it would never create.

Boarding on gate 25 on an airbridge was already quite an upgrade. Listening to instructions in Chinese (followed, I think in Portuguese and English) don’t guarantee I am safe. Because the thought did come to me, if it is a recording how do they translate the goodbye note of “You have just arrived at Madeira airport, it is now 19h22 and the temperature is 21 degrees”… Because I never really found out whether she was only telling me about the menu.

I went to check out the new Pestana CR7, on one of the most expensive corners in Lisbon. And if it weren’t, it would certainly become one, with the small black plaque merely stating CR7 Corner.

Remember playing Monopoly (Portuguese version) and that Rua da Prata was one of the most valuable ones? Well, it has become even more expensive, because the 82 rooms on number 26 are the result of the partnership between the two Madeiran giants. One, the biggest hotelier in Portugal, the other Cristiano Ronaldo, who’s playing with a ball immediately upon entering, and challenging us for a photo.

I spent some time trying to absorb the concept. This after having reacted to the open hotel philosophy in the Funchal harbour, turned onto to the city and inviting guests for a meal.

The menu is tempting, I would even call it seductive, from tune to octopus and tapas, that promise to keep football aficionados in the comfortable sofas.

Men, I think, will feel at home. The football motifs, tvs with but sports channels and a minimalist style will be reasons more than enough for a drink while watching one of the next matches.

The vicinity of the main shops of the city will appeal to the ladies, who’ll want to wander through the city’s shops, through the checkerboard patterned streets that make us wish one of the buildings on those streets would be ours.

On your next trip to Lisbon get lost in the Praça do Comércio, pass under the monumental arch and turn right. The relevant corner is the next one. Try one of the hotel rooms, wake up with the river in mind, and go through the motions with one of the Pestana CR7 ambassadors, who’ll suggest the best “grand tours” of Lisbon.

Start the surprises with breakfast, where the traditional buffet has been abolished, and don’t forget banana cake.

The rooms, besides all the usual amenities, offer high speed internet access, dual USB chargers for phones and tablets, 48in HD-TVs, Applet TV and streaming systems for Androids. And to be able to have all this in a hotel where you spend your holidays is a charming concept for anyone. If you aren’t staying, feel at home on the street level, where gastronomiuc charms are sure to seduce you. And before you leave, take a picture with the champ. He’s waiting for you to hook up with him…